11. 56-Year Old Male Book Editor From Virginia

I was in something that seemed like World War II. I had on a helmet and I was really tired and dirty. Barack was my platoon leader. I was waiting for orders while he phoned somebody on a field telephone, when I noticed that it was just a piece of waxed string and a Dixie Cup. I pointed out that it wasn't a real phone and he said, Be quiet, I'm talking to Cheney.

I was horrified and I said, You shouldn't be talking to Cheney! but he said not to worry, it was Jim Cheney, not Dick Cheney, and he was getting his orders from him. I said, But you're the President! You're not supposed to be taking orders from anyone! He grew really exasperated and told me, Listen, everyone takes orders from someone.

I was so pissed off that I had switched my loyalty to someone who let somebody else tell him what to do. I said, I sure wish I'd voted for Hillary instead. He said, Do you think Hillary doesn't take orders from someone? Look up there.

There was a huge balloon, like a zeppelin, up in the sky, and a bunch of people were crowded around watching it. It started drifting down, and when it got close enough I could see that it was a giant inflated Bill Clinton with "Bill" written in large script on his side, the way they used to do on bombers. A smiling pig was painted on there, too, like the pigs in straw hats and overalls that advertise barbecue restaurants. When he got to the ground a door opened and Hillary appeared in a navy blue pantsuit, waving, and started to come down the steps. Just then, the zeppelin -- Bill -- exploded, and all this vomit came flying out. I was so scared I literally started speaking in tongues and ran away.